WESTERN CANON UNIVERSITY
Hosting the earth's greatest conversation.
Uniting the world's intellectuals in eternity.
"Faith is the father of patience."-- Drake Raft
Ahoy there mates! Allow the three sonneteers to set aside our patented
pirate style for a moment, and address you in a more conventional manner
on this pristine, windless September day, which we know to be the quiet
before the storm. Soon, when you feel the NNW wind beginning to rise, you
shall receive the final boarding call for the Jolly Roger's autumn
adventures. We hope that you forward them to all your culturally
landlocked friends who have been denied the fresh sea breeze and have
contracted sea fever.
It was almost ten years ago that we came down with a bad case of sea fever
ourselves. We showed up on the Princeton campus hoping to acquaint
ourselves with the greatest that had ever been thought and said, and too,
we were looking forward to being united with others in the common context
of the Western tradition, for cultures only truly come to life when they
are shared. But upon arriving, we soon found out that there was no
program of study centered about the Great Books. There existed programs
of study which were centered about various vocations, a gender, and some
selected cultures, but one could not major in Western Civilization. We
were at the number one University in the greatest country, and yet we
could not major in our own heritage, nor minor in it, nor even receive a
certificate in Western Culture. No curriculum existed which would aspire
to introduce us to the greatest that had ever been thought and said. No
professor nor provost possessed the courage to step forth and say, "This
is what you must know! This is where you must go! Come now, I'll lead
the way!" A Princeton legend has it that back in the seventies a
provost did speak these very words and was shot the following sunrise.
And even when we did enroll in a Shakespeare course of our own volition,
it turned out to be no more than an arena for the Bard's deconstruction.
Shakespeare was no better nor worse than Madonna, the professor lectured
to the apathetic class, for both were merely arbitrary products of their
random cultures in this whimsical universe where we have all descended
from apes and are no more than highly-ordered chemical reactions.
"Absolute aesthetic standards," she said, "are but an illusion." She
wishes they were. Recently in our Shakespeare Campfire Chatroom at
http://killdevilhill.com/shakespearechat/wwwboard.html, a young lady
wrote,
"I believe that not many other writers captured the whole concept of true,
eternal love as Shakespeare did. I would truly enjoy meeting a man who
could recite sonnets to me (and would want to) and "woo" me with beautiful
poetry. Men don't court women nowadays like they used to and I believe
this to be tragedy, not a triumph!!"
So it is that we have taken it upon ourselves to leave a better world in
our wake, and we have instituted a University where the students can be
united in a most profound context wherein the poetry rhymes, words mean
things, promises endure, and the mystic romance of the higher intellect
endows our lives with a more fundamental meaning. We have faith that
Princeton, as a flagship institution, will soon follow suit, straighten
her rudder, and institute a new department modeled after Western Canon
University.
So welcome to Western Canon University, where the professors are the Great
Books of the Western Heritage, the lecture halls extend throughout the
watery globe, and the daily homework assignment is to live one's life in
the context of the Greats. All students will be expected to adhere to
gentlemanly standards of conduct while ruggedly pursuing the Truth with a
sense of honor equalled by a sense of humor. The advent of the new school
year each September accents the passage of time, and it has been on the
minds of the Jolly Roger's crew as of late that we cannot remain dashing
young buccaneers forever. In the distant future there shall come that day
whence our sea fever will have been cured, and then shall we trade our
bandannas in for tweed jackets, light our pipes like Capain Stubb, and
lecture at a University about the gallant seafaring adventures of our
youth. We have considered Princeton, Harvard, and Yale, but there is no
guarantee that the students there will have been required to read the
Great Books prior to attending our lectures, and without a foundation in
the rich context, their minds shall be unable to fathom the majesty of our
narrative. They will be immune to the supreme boldness of our selfless
actions in the postmodern night, and thus our lectures shall be robbed of
their significance. I say that our golden years will be far more
thoroughly enjoyed upon the campus of Western Canon University, which has
been instituted in honor of the over 15,000 stalwart crew members of The
Jolly Roger. It shall forever stand here, simultanesouly everywhere in
the world, to commemorate the first two years of our perilous quest to
restore Law and Order to Literature.
Woodrow Wilson, while president of Princeton University, stated, "I
believe that the catholic study of the world's literature as a record of
spirit is the right preparation for leadership in the world's affairs, if
you undertake it like a man and not like a pedant." Herman Melville, who
never went to college, and yet has provided so many with disserations,
thesises, enlightenment, inspiration, and significance, once wrote that
his, "Harvard, Yale, and Princeton had been the deck of a whaling ship."
Joseph Conrad stated that he preferred the soldier to the philosopher, and
in this same spirit we are sailors first and scholars second. The Great
Books enrich our lives-- they do not replace them. At Western Canon
University we do not define morality nor justice nor virtue through
contemplation and dialogue alone, but rather we ultimately define our
souls by our actions. We are not content to merely document decline, nor
are we here to preach platidudes that we ourselves do not aspire to. If
there's a man overboard, we do not simply yell, "man overboard!" but we
join him in the tempestuous seas so as to save him. Upon this campus, as
upon the decks of The Jolly Roger, leadership is defined as doing first,
and then delegating.
At www.westerncanon.com you'll find the world's largest collection of
Lecture Halls and Live Recitation Chats devoted to the Greats. Books,
like life, gain their fullest glory as a shared experience, and the
founders hope that the lecture halls of Western Canon University will
foster the world's greatest conversation. Many of the over one hundred
and fifty authors at westerncanon.com possessed diametrically opposing
views, and the prudent student shall seek to acquaint their minds with all
philosophies, while arguing for the good and refuting the bad. Thomas
Jefferson and Karl Marx had very different ideas as to the role of God and
government in people's lives, and it is no mystery that Western Canon
University netcasts from a country influenced far more by Jefferson's
thought than by Marx's.
Much of the contemporary intellectual landscape has been left spiritually
bereft in the wake of postmodernism's leveling scythe, but whence the
scythe has swung, and the bleak winter has passed, it is time to plant
anew. At the age of twenty-seven Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head and
was christened the voice of this generation by the postmodern media. At
the same age we've instituted Western Canon University, but as the
corporate conglomerate presses are blind to the subtle beauty of the
printed word, so too shall we remain invisible to them. But 'tis no
matter out here upon the WWW, for we perceive the deeper element of this
generation to be awakening to a profound renaissance.
The Western Canon is man's greatest intellectual achievement. The words
form the source of our Laws, our Government, Science, Religion,
Philosophy, Literature, and our Freedom. The Great Books contain the
foundational theories at the basis of all contemporary theories, the
philosophies from which all modern philosophies spring, and the laws
which Lord over all other laws, passing judgment over all judges,
deciding every lawyer's case, long after the jury has delivered its
mortal verdict. For men are ultimately governed by eternal laws, not by
fleeting whims.
The Western Canon owns the seed of the moral, rational conscience. One
gains a first glimpse of morality in The Iliad, when Achilles proclaims
his fundamental aversion towards dishonesty,
"For as I detest the doorway of Death, I detest that man, who hides
one thing in the depths of his heart, and speaks forth another."
The Great Books contain the crests of man's consciousness, the troughs of
his desperations, and the foundation of his vital meaning. The classics
own the origin of the laugh, the primal acknowledgement of irony, the
imperishable experiences of the richest souls, and the Word of God. The
Western Canon is the final gem that is sought by those who have obtained
all other forms of worldly treasures and material wealth. Thousands of
Temples, Churches, Synogogues, and Universities have been inspired by the
works, and thousands more shall yet be built. Fortunes have been traded
so that children might be introduced to the wealth of words, or at least
to some purported semblance that a modern University might advertise to
provide. Men have perceived the nobler elements of their souls reflected
in the Canon's words, and throughout history they have often chosen to
part with their material posessions and property rather than to dishonor
those abstract forms which render one's soul immortal. Men have given
their lives for the Western ideal of freedom, and we are forever indebted
to them. It was not all that long ago that the authors of modern
democracy wrote, "And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm
reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to
each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor." It was words
penned in the rich context of the Western Canon which they pledged their
lives to, and it are these words which propelled the noble battle against
slavery, stated the Natural right of a woman to vote, provided the
foundation for the Civil Rights movement, and made America the beacon of
the free world. As members of Edmund Burke's eternal community of souls,
we feel it's our duty to pay humble tribute to the brave creators and
defenders of our democratic inheritance. For not only is the Western
Canon our heritage, but it is also freedom's. Freedom cannot exist
without a profound reverence towards our moral imagination's written
tradition. Plato and d'Tocqueville knew that the higher democracy must be
accompanied by a higher morality, for the tyranny of the majority is
something to be feared in a dark, foundationless age.
Thomas Jefferson's original ideal conception of the University of Virginia
consisted of an institution where attendance would not be taken, where
there would be no formal classes, and where scholars and students would be
free to come and go during a perpetual conversation centered about the
Greats. His ideal assumed a noble view of man's natural intellectual
inclinations, and we share Jefferson's fundamental philosophy. We believe
men are taught far more effectively by inspiration than by coercion, and
that the greatest teachers are not those who prostelytyze, but rather
those who write the Great Books, or humbly point us in their direction.
We believe that although the idea of the Truth is often scorned,
castigated, ridiculed, and sanctimoniously regarded as an unwieldy,
unnecessary burden in the postmodern, politicized world of academia, the
Truth is that which is ultimately valued more than anything else by all
men, as without it, the deeper meaning cannot be known, for the vital
significance of one's eternal soul is lost.
President McCosh of Princeton once stated, "Agnosticism has no answer to
it, and I know that many a heart in consequence is crushed with anguish
till feelings more bitter than tears are wrung from it." In a sense
modern liberalism, like many aging ideologies, favors the less perceptive,
less querrulous mind. For such minds cannot formulate the more
fundamental moral questions. Because they do not ask, the answers are
unnecessary. Because they do not seek, the darkness satiates. Because
they are blind, the decline is not perceived. If only given a salary and an
academic title, they are content. MTV values and daycare shall raise
their children, and thus their children shall not mind that dad is off
with his girlfriend, or something. It's all relative, until a child is
born who naturally feels their soul's immortality, and then seeks to
awaken the sentiment within others. For although some might say that the
superficial and insensitive are the happy, it is difficult to believe that a
rock or a tree knows more about happiness than Socrates, who reminds us,
"Those, then, who know not wisdom and virtue, and are always busy with
gluttony and sensuality and fornication, go down and up again as far as
the mean; and in this region they move at random throughout life, but they
never pass into the true upper world; thither they neither look, nor do
they ever find their way, neither are they truly filled with true being,
nor do they taste of pure and abiding pleasure. Like cattle, with their
eyes always looking down and their heads stooping to the earth, that is,
to the dining-table, they fatten and feed and breed, and, in their
excessive love of these delights, they kick and butt at one another with
horns and hoofs which are made of iron; and they kill one another by
reason of their insatiable lust. For they fill themselves with that which
is not substantial, and the part of themselves which they fill is also
unsubstantial and incontinent."
With a tacit sense of triumph matched by a humble respect for all who have
thought deeply before us, we continue to voyage forth along one of the
profoundest opportunities afforded by the recent advances in information
technology-- the creation of a global culture founded upon what T.S. Eliot
deemed the Permanent Things. So many aspects of the contemporary culture
are temporal in nature, from jobs to husbands to wives to boyfriends to
girlfriends to promises to college curriculums to the meaning of words to
Columbia House's sensuality CD of the month. We live in a disposable
culture, and as of late too many have been throwing out the baby along
with the bathwater, often in a most literal sense. Change is not always a
bad thing, and progress is often good, but change is not always progress.
In the same way that Holden Caufield found himself drawn to the New York
Museum of History, where the exhibits never change even while one's
innocence wanes, so too do we find ourselves drawn towards our eclipsed
spiritual heritage, formed by the immutable words of the Greats. My
generation needs a permanent beacon in the midst of this postmodern fog,
and the will to provide one is the driving spirit behind all of our
endeavors on the WWW. Come back to Western Canon University in a year, or
ten years, or a hundered years, or a thousand, and not much will have
changed, for we shall still value knowledge, virtue, prudence, and Truth
over all else.
By what authority were the Greats eliminated from the modern campus? Many
people believe that Nietzsche's value relativism was the seed of the
postmodern sea change, but we perceive this seed to have a seed.
Nietzsche said, "God is dead," but it was not so much a declaration of
Nietzsche's as it was an observation-- he perceived that his
contemporaries' faith in God had waned, but what, might we ask, had caused
this erosion of faith amongst aspiring academics? Long before the first
feminist scholar theorized that Shakespeare's works and the Bible were no
better than her dissertation, Woodrow Wilson possessed insight into the
cause of this general cultural decline, as he stated, "I am much mistaken
if the scientific spirit of the age is not doing us a great disservice,
working in us a certain great degeneracy." President Wilson later
elaborated, "We believe in the present and in the future more than in the
past, and deem the newest theory of society the likeliest. This is the
disservice scientific study has done us; it has given us agnosticism in
the realm of philosophy, scientific anarchism in the field of all
politics. It has made the legislator confident that he can create and the
philosopher sure that God cannot. Past experience is discredited and the
laws of matter are supposed to apply to spirit and the makeup of society."
The misapplication of the scientific method to the study of the human soul
has contributed vastly to the degradation of literature. For this reason
the reductionist scientific method has been favored by intellectual
socialists and marxists over the years, as it bestows the envied glories
of science upon the intellectually mediocre humanists (in a strictly
superficial manner) while simultaneously tearing down the Greats, which
once reminded them of their mediocrity. They enjoy commandeering
Nietzsche so they can consider themselves one of the elite supramen-- the
manipulators of the "masses", the understanders of psychology. The
supposedly scientific Freudian view allows them to assimilate traditional
morality with repression, and thus amorality and the disintegration of the
traditional family is progress, as it liberates people from the mythical
agents of tradtion, like religion. By deconstructing the authority of the
Greats, they are able to exalt the omnipotent, whimsical bureaucracy, and
too, they are able to make vast amounts of money off of marketing crass
temptations to children. Because science says nothing about literary
aesthetics, the ambitious scholar concludes that literary aesthetics
cannot exist. It is as if a fisherman, after a day of fishing with a net
possessing a four-inch mesh, concludes that there are no fish smaller than
four inches within the sea. Because science can make no moral judgements,
it follows that God's absolute morality must not exist. Politics is all,
they theorize, and then they make it that way. There is no physical scale
for weighing good and bad, no formula by which we might determine
Shakespeare's brilliance. Thus literature must be nothing more than a
wild dream, an illusion, a fable, just like God; a private delusion and
social construct of each man's arbitrary choosing or conditioning. All
the words in the Bible-- nay, all the words in the Western Heritage, must
be founded upon nothing more than a fairy's wing. And so it is that
literature comes to be written to serve the political aims of the state,
rather than God and the people.
Ideas have consequences, and while the aspiring postmodernists could not
blast the rock of ages with deconstructionism, they were able to demolish
the Greats and then bury the rock of ages beneath the rubble of nihilism,
feminism, and multiculturalism. In a sense this inspired our classic
pirate motif, as it is our mission to unbury these treasures and resurrect
the deeper context. Postmodernism is a destructive ideology. It preys
upon order, and it cannot exist where men have not first of all labored to
erect a noble culture. It requires the pre-existence of traditional
institutions which it can gut. It temporarily empowers the leaders along
the culture's downward spiral, as the selfish, rudderless commodores
disregard the future as much as they scorn the past. Postmodernism has
provided a habitat for the element of society that at one time or another
found themselves laughing at things that weren't funny or believing things
that weren't true, and now, they have their revenge. Like communism, it
is a bitter philosophy, as it recruits the scorned, pulls everyone else
down to their subservient level, and empowers shameless, morally
indifferent kings who promise absolute equality en route to gaining
absolute rule over other men. Postmodernism dislikes the individual, and
it finds it too burdensome to coexist with a fixed set of absolute
standards.
The leveling postmodern worldview is highly seductive for people whose
talents are shadowed by their ambitions, and it is no mystery that
Nietzsche's postmodernism walks hand-in-hand with communism and fascism,
as both philosophies favor the razing of individual characteristics,
achievements, liberties, and independence. When words mean nothing
character cannot matter, for character cannot be defined. Nor can
prudence, virtue, justice, equality, nor art. Without words to anchor
their rational thoughts, men find themselves ruled more by pleasure and
pain than by logic and reason, and they are more easily manipulated with
shallow, superficial gestures and spurious shows of sincerity. For a time
the cultural boomers coasted along on borrowed moral capital, supposing
that morality descended from the divine compassion of liberal bureaucrats,
believing that children can raise themselves, and convinced that the
institutions which were painstakingly erected by prior generations, which
were designed to enhance life, bestow liberty, and allow the pursuit of
sober happiness, could be replaced with secular forums, new-age self-help
books, divorce, daycare, talk-shows, welfare, lollapalooza, shrinks,
lawyers, astrologers, and prozac.
It is little wonder that one often hears of promises failing to endure in
this postmodern age where the words by which they are made have been
declared to be meaningless. It is not surprising that relationships are
capricious in this Freudian era where we have cast aside society's
traditional, divine institutions while embracing and exercising our baser
inclinations. Administrators have convinced us that there is little more
to be known than administration, as courses on the Great Books subside,
while classes on administration abound, as if Man was created to
administrate administration. And all the while the leading economic
indicators mysteriously fail to characterize the rising demand for
traditional families and words that mean things. 'Tis why although the
economy is soaring, there is little inflation, for the products that are
most in demand, the Permanent Things, can never cost more, for they are
priceless. Value, like values, is ultimately rooted in meaning, and the
ultimate meaning derives not from money, but from God. Inspite of all
this the Darwinian experts, economists, and dismal scientists have
declared that there is no more to life than the production and
accumulation of material possessions, that prosperity should be measured
by charts and tables and graphs, and that popular entertainment should
register only within our hearts and never in our minds. But here upon the
pristine campus of Western Canon University, things are not so. Here we
acknowledge that unfathomable, ungraspable phantom of life. We
acknowledge our immortal souls.
The commandeered scientific method, seven times removed from its original
form, and then twisted beyond recognition, provided an ideal tool for for
the socialization of the humanities. Without bothering to comprehend
science, postmodern humanists used terms such as "relativity," "quantum
theory," the "uncertainty principle," and "chaos theory" to level the
literary playing field. By relativity theory all texts were to be equal
in value, as all perspectives would now be given equal treatment-- all
perspectives, that is, but those which rightfully demanded to be treated
as the absolute Truth. The more random a work, the more it would be in
line with quantum mechanics and chaos theory, and the more indecipherable
a poem or painting, the more loyal it would be to the uncertainty
principle.
The scientists have their own esoteric language to describe reality, and
now the postmodernists and feminists have theirs. But an assymetry exists.
Whereas science's esoteric language describes the physical reality in
which we live, and it enables engineers to build microwaves, VCR's, and
computers, the postmodernists had to create their own bureaucratic reality
for their esoteric language to describe. Their esoteric language is of no
practical use to anyone, even though many economists and social engineers
would very much enjoy utilizing it on Capitol Hill. If we cut their
funding, the reality of the feminist's literature would cease to exist
(and it would stop taking up valuable space in the bookstore), while the
physicist's reality would remain, minus perhaps one or two tax-subsidized
dimensions. Because physicists do not generally care about the Great
Books, and because hard science is superior to all the myths and fables
and poems, being based on fact rather than faith, the feminists don't have
to care about the Great Books either. Scientists often specialize early
on in their careers and dedicate their lives to the characterization of a
cell in a petri dish, disregarding the greater academic quest and pursuit
of the White Whale, and thus fringe feminists follow suit and dedicate
their lives to studying masturbation in Jane Austen's novels, which like
their postmodern bureaucracy, they must also create. Because the
feminists have their own esoteric reality in this era of multiple,
politicized realities, it naturally becomes the duty of Government to fund
it, to further demonstrate that intellectually indifferent bureaucrats can
be compassionate with other people's money.
Socialist scientists were quick to recognize and exploit the awesome
relationship between academia and government. Bureaucracies are esoteric,
and postmodern theory is esoteric, and thus it was a marriage made in
heaven. The best thing about it all is that postmodern academic
departments don't have to answer to anyone. If you do not understand what
they are doing, it is because you are too stupid. You have your
profession, and the postmodernists don't come around telling you how to do
it, so stop telling them how to educate your children. And your children
are doing fine-- they're all getting A's, and hey, they never pass
judgement on you or mom for sleeping around, so everything's cool. The
vast majority of people never know enough feminist theory to not
understand it, as long before that happens, they become bored to death
with postmodernism, and they go major in business, accounting, computers,
or physics, as what else is there? A few years back the title of a
Princeton Alumni Weekly was "The Death of Literature," and recently a
devoted group of Princeton humanities professors assembled a gratuitous
book consisting of highbrow essays lamenting the decline of enrollment in
the humanities, entitled "What Ever Happened to The Humanities?" Figure
it out dudes-- you were standing at the helm when the ship went down.
Mark Twain once said that one shouldn't let school get in the way of one's
education, and in that spirit, the middlemen at Western Canon University
have been eliminated. It's just you, the Great Books, and everyone else
who reads for enjoyment, moral enlightenment, intellectual exercise, and
fun. There are no degrees at Western Canon University, for the classes
never end. Athletics are strictly for enjoyment, refreshment, and
comraderie, and we hope everyone comes out for the fencing and sailing
team at www.jollyroger.com, which we're trying to get Nike to sponsor.
The only required textbooks shall be the Great Books themselves, and since
there are no term papers, you won't have to find one on the web or rush
off and get a copy of Cliff Notes so that you can fake your way through
St. Augustine. The Great Writers are the Great Teachers, and if given a
fair chance, they shall make themselves understood. For if the Greatest
cannot be trusted to teach themselves, who can we trust to teach them?
At Western Canon University we look forward to having volunteer tutors
preside over the discussion forums, lead the debates, and suggest
passages, works, and volumes of criticism which might be of particular
interest to scholars of the Western Soul. We hope that you utilize our
over one hundred lecture halls and precept areas as supplements to your
college assignments. You can come to our campus throughout your entire
life for your education, and buy a four-year degree somewhere else. Our
fundamental philosophy is that the Greats have earned a place upon a plane
above all of us, and thus that one man has not the Authority to tell
another man what they signify. The Greats signify that which they
signify, and if one wishes to possess their Authority, one need only write
a Great Book of their own. If you would like to become a tutor at Western
Canon University, please let us know with which author or work your
passions lie, and we'll let you captain a chatroom. Drop us a line at
mobydick@westerncanon.com, and we'll provide you with a password that will
allow you to moderate the discussion. Your primary duty will be to enjoy
yourself. In selecting tutors, we consider the love and humble respect of
the Greats to be superior to a modern Ph.D., for today, contemporary
Ph.D.'s are often awarded to those who are completely indifferent towards
the rich spiritual heritage of the Western world, and all too often to
those who are hostile towards it. It is our belief that academic honors
are not conferred by robed men, nor by institutions, nor by degress, but
that they are conferred by our Creator.
The contemporary fashion-oriented slackademics did not believe in the
immortal soul, and they neglected to cherish it, nurture it, protect it,
develop it, and endow it with the eternal treasures of the Western
heritage. They were too shallow to realize that there is a far more
fundamental foundation to Greatness than the ephemeral materialistic
appetites of a socialistic bureaucracy. Words possess Greatness not
because an arbitrary governing body proclaims them to possess Greatness,
but they reign throughout the centuries because they reflect the eternal
Truths within our immortal souls. Modern educational administrators may
well think that they have outsmarted the philosophers and prophets of
antiquity, with their calculating and cunning intellectual indifference,
but in reality they have betrayed the Greats, and they compound their
offense by operating under the pretense of serving them, while allowing
everything from shallow polemics to pornography to replace Truth upon
their campuses. Where the Truth exists, there is a difference between
outsmarting and betraying.
None of the authors of the Western Canon were university administrators
nor educational bureaucrats; few of them even possessed degrees, and thus
it seems wise to be wary of modern bureaucrats who sell degrees which
confer upon the buyer that they have learned. The price of that
fundamental knowledge which sets one free is far more than mere money.
Socrates was put to death for seeking it, while Jesus was crucified for
presenting the Laws of a higher morality. In modern institutions of
higher learning it often seems that the appearance of knowledge is being
sold, rather than the essence. An honest examination of the progress of
the Western mind suggests that knowledge is something that is gained far
more often by intuition than by tuition. And thus the only tuition for
Western Canon university is your imagination, which Einstein professed to
be more important than knowledge.
A quick summary of history demonstrates that as centralized bureaucracies
proliferate or expand, that which they govern declines in nature.
Communist systems have time and again trampled upon the most fundamental
human rights while fostering poverty, and National Socialism has played
host to some of the greatest atrocities throughout all of history. Indeed
these examples are extreme, but they mark that which lies at the end of
Hayek's Road to Serfdom, and thus we might save ourselves the trouble of
voyaging forth with great faith in government bureaucracies. Never before
has a nation devoted so much money to education, and yet the vast majority
of my peers were never introduced to even a few of the Great Books. They
were given condoms instead. For less than two-hundred dollars the
majority of the books which define the Western Canon can be purchased.
For less than fifty dollars the Bible and the complete works of
Shakespeare can be bought, and if given half a chance, they would be
content in teaching themselves.
The marriage of cultural liberalism and big business bureaucracy has
benefited the literary arts in no discernable way. The vast increase of
postmodern corporate administration in the New York publishing world has
tarnished its once noble countenance, and today, the literary industry at
large is in an economic decline, which shall force a sea change and an
eventual spiritual revival. We here at Western Canon University know that
the free market, like time, technology, and the Truth, is on our side.
Throughout the sixties and seventies the industry enjoyed great economic
growth while fostering a spiritual decline, but again we see that money
can never be worth more than meaning itself, and while one can cash in
during periods of decline by deconstructing the Greats and selling smut,
there comes that day when there is nothing left to deconstruct, and the
smut fails to titillate the hardened, dispirited consumer. The once racey
glitz bores the slacker-grunge generation, as we've been participating in
it all since fourth grade. Kurt Cobain mocked the industry as he
screamed, "here we are now, entertain us, I feel stupid, and contagious,"
and while he came from the intoxicated Dionysian perspective, we're
sailing in from the sober Apollonian perspective. Kurt Cobain was a
consumnation of the postmodern irony, as he rebelled against the liberal
machine while becoming one with it. We're rebelling by declaring
independence from it. Once upon a time it was fashionable to skip school
and get stoned, but today we're skipping the getting stoned part
and following our yearning to erect a University.
Whereas Cosmopolitan and The New Yorker once provided a stepping stone for
the young author while publishing the subtle prose of Fitzgerald,
Salinger, and Hemingway, today the magazines print articles on how to
shape your butt, meaningless poetry, and the insipid story of the week
penned by some writer who happens to suffer through parties with Tina
Brown. Time and again postmodernism's strategy has triumphed in our
culture, where the essence of an institutiuon is scuttled, leaving but a
shell to play host to the postmodern leader's blend of politics and ego.
But postmodernism is not self-sufficient, and it eventually runs out of
sustenance to pillage, plunder, and commandeer. Mark Twain once said that
you cannot pray a lie, and the devastating repercussions of the postmodern
ideology are manifesting themselves in the publishing industry. The New
York Times recently reported that 45% of all adult trade books which get
shipped out to bookstores get shipped back to be pulped. Harcourt Brace
recently considered eliminating its entire line of literary fiction, as
the literature they publish loses money. This is tantamount to the doctor
who realizes that his prescription is not working and then decides to kill
his patient.
Once upon a time there were only editors who might have rejected a young
author's Great Book, but today they receive diligent help from scores of
postmodern literary agents and agencies who blossomed overnight in the
wake of the dumbing down of literature, which now, in this liberated age,
can be anything. The desperate corporate publicists hype the gratuitous
glitz, publishing and promoting the Howard Sterns and Dennis Rodmans and
Sapphires, and with the decline money they make off of soft porn, gossip,
and new-age advice, they then massage their literary egoes by attempting
to create literary authors of all genders, races, and sexual orientations.
They funnel the soft-porn money into marketing campaigns for
indecipherable literary tomes such as Pynchon's Lewis and Clark and
Foster's Infinite Jest, complete with carboard cutout displays for the
Barns and Noble debut. Once a year they happen upon a Cold Mountain and
decide to publish it, and things are cool for awhile, but still, Cold
Mountain falls short of affecting the prevailing postmodern attitude, for
it forgets to fulfill its contemporary literary duty and acknowledge the
present. More often than not the publishers print huge, meandering books,
reveling in postmodernism's pernicious, immature inside joke, mocking the
sensibilities of their customers, denying them the importance of their
Reality, flooding the market with literary mediocrity, crying wolf a
thousand thousand times, desparately filling the back covers with
soundbites of exquisite praise that would have made Shakespeare proud, and
then, when they have finished with their thorough desecration and blatant
hucksterism, they resort to claiming that the American public is too
backward to enjoy the indecipherable trash. But instead of purchasing the
stillborn books, the American public is logging onto the internet, where
they have the hopes of finding something that didn't have to first make it
on by a gauntlet of ten self-appointed postmodern literary experts. And
out here they're finding the WWW literary renaissance.
And so it is that during the postmodern liberal reign of terror, the
university and the literary industry have both known decline. It is no
mystery that they have shared in the same fate. Both the university and
the literary culture are built with the brick of the printed word, and
without a humble acknowledgement of God's supreme, omnipotent, ubiquitous
divinity, the printed word lacks authority, and the bricks crumble to
sand. The ivory tower of Babel might seem higher today then fifty years
ago, with bigger football stadiums, and larger, more gallant
administrations replete with lawyers, with more departments and courses
and computers and technology transfer programs, but the cause of the
univerity is lost somewhere in-between the widening fissure between the
English and Physics departments. C.P. Snow's two cultures have become
twenty, with as many languages, and while we reach for the heavens and
probe the atom, we begin to find our most fundamental essence, the printed
words of our heritage, drifting beyond our grasp. In the beginning there
was the Word, and in the end there wasn't, some might say, but I contend
that in the beginning there was the Word, and so too shall it be again.
At least upon the world's largest campus.
The postmodern press remains oblivious to the decline, as postmodernism
conveniently deconstructs the very ruler by which one might guage
aesthetic quality, and thus there is no way for them to measure the fall.
They commandeered the scientific method, and left the true spirit of
science behind, which demands that one remain absolutely loyal to reality.
And science can never be loyal to the reality of the printed word, for it
cannot discern it.
Some of the elder postmodernists have attempted to project their gnawing
emptiness upon us with the belittling "generation-x, slacker, grunge"
monikers, but I contend that inspite of their command of the universities
and presses, we're awakening to a renaissance. Time shall let us speak
for ourselves. Deconstructing the greats was futile, and the misled,
condescending academics only succeeded in deconstructing their own souls.
For Shakespeare still exists within our immortal spirits. Many of the
aging liberal elite might have been agile in subterfuge, or skillful with
a slander, or good at, "hiding one thing in the depths of his heart, while
speaking forth another." They might have been deft with hermeneutics
theory, and dextrous with deconstruction, but none of these intellectual
vices nor treacheries are honored by time. They are honored but by
bureaucracy.
Those who truly understand the nature of vital creativity, the principles
of rugged individualism, the foundations of freedom, and the basis of
intellectual integrity, spend their lives out-running the relentless,
plodding, machinations of bureaucracy, and we hope they find a haven of
encouragement at Western Canon University. There shall always exist the
perpetual rift between the artist and the administrator. Both will
consider the other one to be arrogant, to be deceitful, and to be
dishonest. Both shall wish to be given credit for the same entities, but
the difference is that whereas one shall forever seek the credit by
commandeering it, the other shall seek credit by creating it.
And so it is that Western Canon University has come to be. Once upon a
time the scientific spirit was utilized to degrade the Greats and exalt
the postmodern bureaucracy, but now the tide has turned, and modern
science's offspring, the WWW, is allowing us to resurrect the context of
the Greats. For while science is at heart indifferent, man's immortal
soul is not, and it must forever seek the nobler path.
Ten years ago we set out upon a journey to acquaint ourselves with the
greatest that had ever been thought and said, and now, ten years later, we
find ourselves in the midst of a renaissance rooted in the printed word.
As poets and authors coming of age at the end of the second millenium, we
came to realize that a modern cultural context for contemporary Great
Literature was lacking. So in addition to composing new works, we have
also found it necessary to create a context in which they can take root
and blossom. The WWW has presented the ideal tool for this. These simple
sentiments and yearning for traditional values in both our lives and our
literature, shared by the free-thinkers throughout the world, have given
birth to the world's largest literary journal and the world's most-active
literary cafe, and thus we have reason to believe that God willing, our
sentiments might also beget the world's greatest university.
LETTERS TO THE CAPTAIN:
Date: Wed, 27 Aug 97 20:22:56 UT
From: "Captain F. J. Schwindler"
To: Red Avenger
Subject: RE: Ahoy captain! Welcome aboard THE JOLLY ROGER!
Red Avenger:
Have just had time to finally read your welcome aboard letter. Loved it -
even though I am not generation x (I'm 55) and have far too many degrees
(PHD, 2 MAs, 3 BAs) and am a retired USN Captain who is really Captain of
a "real" pirate ship (101 year old, 121' barquentine called "Barba Negra
- The Spirit of Savvannah") Unfortunately I am neither a poet nor a
particularly good writer - but I do appreciate your work. (And I do like
Beavis and Butthead and Rush, too.)
Whilst I will probably contribute nothing to the work of the ship - I
would very much like to be able to use what is produced to open the minds
of the various crew members I have in real life. We use "Barba Negra" as
a training ship to help teach 11-18 years olds how to actually be people
(contrary to popular perception - it takes real work to accomplish this
task). Some of our kids are "normal" - others are "at risk" (whatever
that means). All are kids who need to learn values and character stuff
like trustworthiness and self reliance and teamwork, etc. (all things no
longer taught much anyplace else for the reasons elucidated in your
welcome aboard letter. So... if you don't mind, our little pirate ship
will sail along abeam or astern your frigate (by the way - no self
respecting pirate would ever have a frigate - too slow and cumbersome - a
Corvette or Brigantine or Barquentine or some such would be far more adept
at harassing the enemy and scoring victories, etc.) (And - they are far
cheaper to operate - a frigate is almost the epitome of
establishmentarianism - expensive, bulky, etc., etc.)
Keep up the good work - I'll visit when I can & hope to hear from you as
you can.
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: ARGRGRHRGR! 'Tis always great to have a genuine
Navy Captain aboard the Good Ship-- there're a couple others. We have
considered trading our frigate in for a swifter, more dextrous craft, but
half the time we're running over the enemy's frigates with our Oak keel of
reason, so we figured we might as well keep her.
Date: Mon, 11 Aug 1997 11:54:56 +0000
From: Alicia Triche
To: drake@jollyroger.com
Subject: QUALITY
Hi--
Okay, I don't know who you guys are, I've only breezed through most of
the pages in this web site in, like, the past five minutes (so, did that
letter to Rolling Stone actually get published?) but I just have to tell
you something!!
I just read the first bit of the excerpt you have from the Drake Raft
Field trip thing, and it's actually really good!! Let me explain how
exciting this is to me--I NEVER think anything is good that was written
after, say, 1950 or so. I am sick and I mean SICK of gratuitous,
insincere, disgusting references to whatever bodily fluids will get
people published. Like, the swishy butt in "Even Cowgirls Get the
Blues," and basically every story Walter Kirn ever wrote, and for God's
sake, I just read something by modern "acclaimed" author Jessica
Treadway that talks about breast milk! NONE of this was actually an
integral part of any, like, PLOT, either.
But this story you guys have posted, it's pretty sincere, and you've got
the language of our generation down pretty accurately, and it was a
lovely experience for me, to read it. I've always had this fantasy that
there would be modern books that match the quality of all the classics I
love to read--is that what you guys are about?
Please don't put me on a mailing list or anything; I don't have any
money to buy anything, I am just some grad school spit-out trying to
squeak by & find a permanent job but maybe one day, after I figure out
how to get my own novels published you guys can say hey! We knew her
when! She was going around looking for Fitzgerald in a hay stack-- but
meanwhile, I just wanted to say, good job, and I really mean that, And I
haven't seen anything quite so brilliant in anything I've read that was
written so recently.
Sincerely,
Alicia Triche
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Welcome aboard the renaissance generation.
From: kcmasong@
To: drake@jollyroger.com
Subject: Greetings to the Captain
Ahoy! Captain Drake!
Twice I've received emails from your Frigate and its about time to
express my gratitude (or at least hear something from one of your
sailors). I just want you to know that I appreciate reading your
essays, but most especially your poems ("The Most Perfect Silence," and
"cvii," that is). The potentials of the WWW had indeed been expoited to
the full by your cause. These times, there is a need for a bulwark of
conservatism to stand guard against external forces set out to mar the
Truth which we all, philosophers, literati, and the general wise men,
safeguard and vindicate. Continue in the cause conscious that there's
someone following the way.
Set the sails and off we go!
Kenneth "Four Eyes" Masong
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: In this community of eternal souls, there are as
many behind us as there are infront of us.
From: "B. Lewis Noles"
To: captain@jollyroger.com
Subject: www.jollyroger.com is Outstanding
Drake,
I just wanted to say that I am quite impressed with the www.jollyroger.com
website. It has been awhile since I last visited the site, and I can see
it is much improved. I first ran across your site soon after started
developing my web page devoted to the "great books." You folks are
definitely hoisting a big canon. It looks like your giving the "the ivyed
halls of 'isms'" a run for their money.
Keep up the good work,
Lewis
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: At yer service matie. And may ye enjoy walking the
halls of Western Canon University every bit as much.
From: Jade
To: becket@jollyroger.com
hi!
you guys have an great site, with some really awesome writing. I've
rediscovered the great books and found great new stuff to read(before,
i was beginning to think anything modern would be liberal and
"politically correct"and have nothing worth reading). The Jolly Roger
has been a constant inspiration to me as try to keep my head above the
water here at princeton(the high school, not the university).
may your ship always follow a true course and be blessed with
favourable winds,
-Mona
aka Jade
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: And may you always be aboard our ship.
From: DTBLVB@
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: Re: Ahoy l.b.! Welcome aboard THE JOLLY ROGER!
Thank you for the welcome!!
You have put a smile upon my face and a stirring in my heart. It has been
in the past several years that I've begun delving into truely great
literature. Frankly, I like exciting that part of my brain that has been
dormant for so long!!
Thank you for being radical in a traditional sort of way.
Blessings.
l.b.
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: They keep on trying to turn back the clock to the
sixties and seventies, whereas I envsion a future of tradition. Avast!
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